Figuring out how to help a struggling manager is different. If you're watching an electrician, a pipefitter, a carpenter, you can observe their actions and pinpoint the issue. If a carpenter isn't using a hammer correctly, you can see what is happening and help them fix it.
Helping a manager or supervisor can be more challenging than helping a tradesperson.
We All Struggle With Something
In our pursuit of success, we struggle — and we don't always know what is causing the struggle or how to fix it. We need help figuring out why we might be failing at a task.
I struggled for many years as a manager. I was failing in place as so many managers do. I had the title, the position, and even the office but not the skill set to survive and flourish as a leader. I struggled until my boss gave me insights into why I struggled and tools to help me work on them.
When we're struggling with something we may not be totally aware of it. We may simply say to ourselves, "Life is hard — get over yourself." Sometimes the unawareness is simply a product of our culture — we do it that way because that's how it's always been done. A great example of this is the "my way or the highway" method of leadership.
The First Method: Ask Them
If you want to know what your manager or supervisor is struggling with — just ask them. But as usual, there is more to it than just asking the question, "What do you need help with?"
To increase the odds that your observations and help will be taken the right way, there are three things you need to consider:
- Content and context — What will you ask? You have to ask questions that will give you information and give the employee insight into what they are struggling with. Simply asking questions that can be answered yes or no rarely gets you closer to the information you need. Ask questions that cause the person to stop and think and then describe what they're struggling with.
- Technique — How will you ask? This includes not only the method you'll use — texting, a phone call, in person, or by email — but also your body language and tone of voice. Asking in person is the best method. Having a conversation allows you and them to create an understanding of the situation.
- Timing is everything — When do you ask? The worst time to ask is during an annual review. By that point, the employee is feeling emotionally overwhelmed. The best time is as close to the time frame that you observe their struggle as possible.
Before Anyone Opens Up to You, They Need Three Things
- They need to be able to admit to themselves that they are struggling and need outside help.
- They need to believe that they are safe in admitting that they are struggling and won't lose their job.
- They need to know you have their back and won't shame or embarrass them.
As always remember that safety begins with leadership — before you have the conversation you have to develop the relationship so that they feel safe enough to open up to you.